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13 January 2008 @ 10:50 am
An Apology and a Goodbye  
As some may have heard there have been accusations of plagiarism on my part for my story This Was the Way it Wasn't Pt. 6.

It is my deep regret to admit that these charges are true. I am self aware enough to recognize that I have some real problems. I have allowed myself to become so caught up in the exitement of being 'famous', of getting praise and compliments for my writing that I took the easy way out when I was hit with writers block and stole the beautiful and original thought of someone else.

Words can not express how sorry and ashamed I am of my behavior. Even if all of you here are able to look past this, I can not. I'm going to be leaving the fandom to do some serious soul searching on why I would ever choose to lie to people that I respect, admire, and consider real friends.

To everyone here whose writing I have commented on and praised,  I know my words mean nothing now but know this: you are truly amazing, every single one of you.

tiptoe39 and baehj2915 you are not only both jaw droppingly fall to my knees talented but also two of the nicest people I've ever 'met' online. I'm especially sorry for lying to you and will miss you both.

A word to baehj, please do not let my actions affect your work on your Mylar AU, the little I saw was amazing and I'm sure the rest of it will be just as fabulous.

Once again, I so very, very , very sorry.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go cry my eyes out now.

Tiptoe39: gentiptoe39 on January 13th, 2008 05:05 pm (UTC)
Please check your PMs.

And don't abandon those of us who think of you as a friend just because you're ashamed. I will not accept goodbye-cruel-world. You did something bad and you hurt me terribly and the only worse thing you could do at this point is to decide you're going to abandon me without a word and not trust my friendship enough to see us through this.

PM me if you would prefer to talk on the phone, or you have my e-mail address.

You did something bad. You apologized. Let's talk about it.
nishatalitha: Honour and reputation (Vorkosigan)nishatalitha on January 13th, 2008 10:26 pm (UTC)
I haven't heard anything about this; seriously, I'm only in fandom for the fic.

It took a lot of guts to make an open apology and I respect that sort of integrity. I hope you continue to write, in whatever area you choose to write in.

You made a mistake, you've apologised. I very much doubt you intend to do anything of the sort again, so stay, be part of the community. Being part of a community can involve making mistakes and being forgiven for them. Leaving denies the chance for this to be overcome and for people and the community to be stronger and more united as a whole.
Dee00smut on January 13th, 2008 10:44 pm (UTC)
Honey, you're doing a big thing owning up to this but it doesn't mean you have to run off. We'll miss you around here, even if you don't want to contribute right now. As a lurker, I can say the community would suffer without you.
versinaeversinae on January 13th, 2008 11:49 pm (UTC)
I know nothing bout' no internet drama, but I say as long as it doesn't hit Fandom Wank, it'll end up being okay :) You did the adult thing here by owning up to it, and I am sure anyone that you wronged will do the adult thing too and forgive you for it, after everyone calms down. Take a break for bit, tour Paris, sail the South Pacific, whathaveyou, and maybe we'll see you back someday!

*hugs for all drama-participants, whoever they may be*
carma_baby: till the endcarma_baby on January 14th, 2008 12:17 am (UTC)
I don't know what drama went down either, but please know that you have supporters who appreciate your apology and don't want you to just go away. If you need to soul-search, do. But please don't just write off the friends you've made here. That takes away from your mature decision to apologize and only causes more hurt.
boymommytotwoboymommytotwo on January 14th, 2008 01:12 am (UTC)
I understand your instinct to punish yourself... and lots of hours of therapy later, I can tell you that it can go away. Every human being does "bad" - whatever, undesirable, unwanted - acts... and all sin is the same. So, if you follow that logic, we're all just the same in one way or another... and if we can't hang out with us - then who??? No worries - we'll be here when you come back. So please do so, sooner rather than later.
randomslasherrandomslasher on January 14th, 2008 02:09 am (UTC)
Hello there...

You've done exactly what you needed to do: you've owned up. You've apologized. That was a huge, huge step, and takes more balls than most people have, so well done.

The thing I find most tragic about all of this is that you don't need to plagiarize. You're good. Blocks hit everyone, and I know as well as the next writer just how frustrating they are; using someone else's work as a way to break it is fine, too, if you do so just for yourself. Hell, even if you just wanted to borrow the idea, had you asked first and credited us for inspiration then written a similar story, we'd've been fine with it.

But I didn't come here to lecture. I came here to say that while I'm not happy about what you've done, I'm impressed with the apology, and more than willing to forgive, should you seek it from me.

I wish I could offer more; however, I cannot speak for my partner. But know that your fans will more than likely forgive you, and one mistake should not drive you away from doing what you want to do. You made that mistake, yes, but it doesn't make you a bad person, and it's over. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in the game, huh?

Give me a holler if you ever feel the need. I'm more than willing to listen and help.
Sasuransasuran on January 15th, 2008 04:30 am (UTC)
Echoing everyone else's comments, but people who make mistakes are exceedingly common, while people who can apologize for them are rare. ;)

Hope to see you writing again soon. :)
crystal_mkcrystal_mk on January 15th, 2008 04:48 am (UTC)
I've just come back so I really have no idea what's going on but I have to repeat what everyone else has already said.

You're human and it's human nature to make mistakes, some of them a bit larger than other. The fact is, you owned up, apologized, and made amends. That takes a big person. Someone who didn't deserve forgiveness would never have done so. Because of that I, and many others, are perfectly willing to forgive your mistake.

We all make them. The hardest part is admitting in and finding a way to forgive yourself. You have a lot of support here and when you're ready to come back (and I really do hope you come back) I'm sure we'll all welcome you.
boudecia7boudecia7 on January 21st, 2008 05:16 am (UTC)
Oh, honey. I wish you knew me well enough that anything I say might help. But here: forgiving yourself doesn't mean forgetting past mistakes, it just allows you to move forward and do better, which you've already begun by posting an apology. That takes a lot of character because it's HARD, and I know it's probably hard just to think that you made the mistake in the first place, let alone to tell other people so. I think probably the most difficult thing about making the big mistakes in life is the way it revises your self-image--I speak that language fluently, having done an immersion program in Horrendously Bad Things; I'll tell you all about it one day if you like.

It's obvious from other posts that you have a lot of people who care about you and don't want you to go away. You know, I looked back at the comments I made on the story in question, and the things I liked best were all in regard to your own writing. It's an awful thing to be good at something and not share it with other people, kind of like seeing a rainbow and not pointing it out.

Believe me, you'll never look back and not wince, but after enough time you'll look back less and less, and when you do you'll be able to forgive the younger person that you were and respect yourself for how far you've come from there. It's what makes being a human being such a sad and poignant and stupidly beautiful thing in the first place; so come back when you're ready. You're already missed.

heeros_safety: I'm sorry you're dying...heeros_safety on January 23rd, 2008 04:18 am (UTC)
As a fan of RandomWeavings, I just wanted to say thank you for apologizing. Many of us were pissed off to find out two of our favorite authors were plagarized, but because you owned up to it, I'm sure most of us can forgive you.
I've never read your stories but I see all the people on this entry who still support you and want you to stick around. While people might be a bit peeved and wary of you for a while, it will pass and you'll chalk it up as one of those lessons in life learned the hard way.
Keep writing and improving. Also, do not give up. Ever.

Good luck.


Ficklefickle_goddess on April 18th, 2008 05:19 am (UTC)
I love your icon. ♥ That was one of the BEST MOMENTS EVER in the entire series.
juukai on January 23rd, 2008 07:49 pm (UTC)
I wish more people were like you. You admitted that you did something wrong and you completely owned up to it. Don't let this experience stop you from writing though-I'm sure there are people who will be more than willing to help you with your writing. I stumbled across this issue, so that's why I came here. Everyone makes mistakes-what matters is that they apologize and strive not to do it again.

Good luck with whatever you plan to do in the future.

Edited at 2008-01-23 07:49 pm (UTC)